


Secrets Chapter 1

by NiallWh0rean



Series: Secrets [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 08:22:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiallWh0rean/pseuds/NiallWh0rean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone has secrets, but what happens when those hidden dreams come to light?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Everybody! this is my first work on ao3 so please be gentle. this is a chaptered fic that's actually completed and posted on my tumblr, but I thought I'd post it here and try to get more readers. if you like it please be sure to let me know and I'll post the rest. okay. enjoy :3

**-Louis POV-**

             “goodnight boobear” Harry mummbled as he snuggled down farther into the bed next to me and began to fall asleep. Yeah, so we sleep in the same bed sometimes. But it doesn’t mean anything. Not for Harry anyway. 

 

My name is Louis Tomlinson and I am not gay.

 

I just happen to be in love with my best friend. Who happens to be a guy. Yes, I have a girlfriend. Her name is Eleanor, and she’s quite lovely, but we’re only together so I can hide my feelings for Harry. I’m really not attracted to her at all, not that she or anybody knows that.

Okay so maybe I am gay, what of it? It’s not like Harry could possibly be gay or like me back at all. He had too many one night stands with gorgeous women for that.

But the nights when he didn’t go out, didn’t find some beautiful girl to bring back to the hotel, sleep with, and never call again, those are the nights I live for. The nights when we can sit together on the couch watching terrible movies or playing video games or just enjoying each others company. Those are quite possibly the best nights of my existence. They probably mean nothing to Harry. He probably just sees it as a way to waste time while we’re on tour.

Ouch. Okay that thought hurt more than it should have. This reoccurring thought that he doesn’t care. This is how I’ve come to cope with being in love with another man, by crushing all hope it could develop to something more.

I glanced over at Harry, curled up in the blankets next to me. Fuck he looks so perfect while he’s sleeping. I begin tracing his face with my eyes. Beginning at his soft, brown curls and following them down to his forehead. I notice the crease in his brow. Nightmares. They were quite commonplace for Harry. Any minute now he would wake up screaming or crying and I’ll have to hug him, tell him everything’s alright and to go back to sleep and pretend seeing him so upset doesn’t kill me.

The turning begins. He starts rolling over, looking more and more scared with every movement. As he rolls over for the 4th time I notice something odd. My eyes must be playing tricks on me. I check again on the 5th pass just to be sure. My heart drops.

There. On his arm. Angry red scars cutting through his pale skin. Cross crossing each other, some old, some new. But why? Why would Harry ever want to hurt himself? And how had I not noticed before?

Harry’s eyes snap open and I can see they wet with tears.

“L-lou?”

“I’m here Hazza.” I wrap my arms around him gently. “it’s okay,” I whisper “it’s not real”

“b-but it is Louis” his voice cracks and a fresh wave of tears pours down his face.

“do you want to talk about it?” I ask delicately, although he never does. 

“I c-can’t,” he sobs “it’s too painful, it’s too scary”

“is there anything I can do?” I ask in a barely audible whisper. I can’t let him know how much this is breaking me, seeing him like this.

“just tell me you’ll never leave.” he says in a scared tone.

“is that what you dreamed about? That I left the band?” I must admit I was a bit shocked to know he would be so distraught if I left.

“n-no it was w-worse. Much, much worse,” he says, choking on his words, “I dreamt that you d-died Lou. Please tell me that I’m awake now, I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

 “hey,” I whisper in an attempt to comfort him “I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere I promise.” He pulls back from my chest

“r-really?” he croaks.

“really,” I reply “now go back to sleep, I’ll be right here.”

“can I just ask you something?” he mumbles.

I’m taken back by his request “of course, what is it?”

“if Eleanor woke up screaming every night, would you break up with her?”

I’m shocked. He’s speaking so quiet and nervously now I have to make sure I heard him right. Why would he be thinking about my girlfriend at a time like this? “uhm-” I stumble over my words “no, of course not, I love her, I would help her through it, hold her until she fell asleep and all that” that’s what boyfriends did right? At least that’s what I wanted to do for Harry right now.

“y-you love her?” Harry asked, the emotion raw in his voice.

“of course.” the lie spills from my mouth out of habit.

“oh,” he says. There’s a sense of disappointment in his voice, although I can’t imagine why. “I’m going to have a think.” he mutters, and walks into the other room, grabbing his jacket on the way out.

I want to follow him, I really do. I want to run after him, pull him into my arms and then put all my emotions i cant put in words into a kiss. But of course I can’t. So I watch him leave and hope he’s not gone too long.

* * *

 “TOMMO!” I’m woken up by Niall jumping on my bed. It occurs to me I must have dozed off while waiting for Harry to come back last night.

“WAKE UP WE’VE TO SHIT TO DO TODAY!” He continues to jump.

“we tried to stop him, I swear” Liam says as he walks in the room “he can be quite strong when he wants to be”

“H-Harry. Where is he?” I ask before I can stop myself.

“in Zayn’s room” Liam replies “must’ve slipped out while you were asleep”

“yeah,” I agree “must’ve.”

“speak of the devil!” Niall says as Harry walks in the room “good morning sunshine!”

“morning nialler,” he smiles. He glances my way for a second but avoids my eye. I wonder what that’s about.

“Hurry up boys, interview in an hour!” Paul shouts from the other room. I had totally forgotten about our tiger beat interview, they would be at the hotel room soon. I get up to take a shower. As I step out of the steam I notice a pair of scissors on the counter. Weird. I get dressed and m ready for the interviewers, who’ll be here any minute.

* * *

 

 

 “So Harry, any special lady in your life at the moment?” our interviewer, an overly excited blonde woman asks. She reminds me of a puppy.

“uhh not really, no” Harry responds, “but until I find the perfect girl, I’ve got Lou.” My heart leaps at this.

“ooo thoughts on that Louis?” the  puppy lady asks.

 “well, I’ve got Eleanor, but Hazza is a close second,” I laugh. The sentence hurts to say.

the interview begins to draw to a close. As the crew is packing up, the puppy woman (what is her name anyway?) reaches out to shake our hands. As Harry extends his arm to her, that’s when I see it and my heart shatters. His sleeve has pulled up to reveal several fresh cuts in the skin. Some bleeding even. Nobody else seems to notice.

* * *

 

             “you sure you guys don’t want to come?” Zayn asks as he’s standing in the doorway with Liam and Niall.

“I’m fine really,” Harry says “I’m not in a mood for partying.”

“me either,” I yawn “I need to catch up on my beauty sleep”

“well no amount of sleep is going to fix that face my friend,” Niall grins. “I’ll see you guys later.”

They shut the door and suddenly it’s just me and Harry, alone. Now was my chance.

“why?” I whisper “why would you do this?”

“d-do what?” Harry says, taken aback. I reach for his arms. “no wait-” he tries to pull away but I’ve pushed back his sleeves before he can.

“this,” I whisper “why would you do this?” my voice is shaking. We stare at his arms for a long minute.

“it’s nothing.” he says finally.

“don’t say that it’s nothing, Harry, please just tell me why.” tears are starting to spill from my eyes.

“I can’t Lou, just please drop it” his voice has gone cold.

“I won’t drop it, I want to help you! What could lead you to that? Why on earth would you do this to yourself!?” I’m screaming at this point. 

 

“Because I’m in love with you okay?!”

 

The words hang in the air. I’m speechless as I watch him run from the room. Could he really feel the same way I do? 


End file.
